"You're too old to do this."
"It's a liberals job."
"I can't help you if that is your path."
I almost left before the enrollment advisor walked in. I probably should have run out the door, but I sat there, with my mind racing - another disappointment, another beginning with no end, am I wasting my families money?
Now, I am finishing my first year as a classroom teacher. I spent two years substitute teaching and learning from so many of the best of the best. Implementing those practices which I observed, taking the best and the worst, and making them my own, created a classroom where 28 children thrived, learned, and were loved. As I embark on my next year, and continuing to make my classroom a haven for 2nd graders, I think back on the past years and what I learned about myself.
First, I am smarter than I ever gave myself credit for being! I graduated with honors (3.85) while being a mom to two very busy boys - carpools, dinners, and events were never missed. They thrived in school, swimming, and even learning new responsibilities. They are, today, two of the kindest young men I know and make me proud to be their mom, each and every day.
Secondly, I married the most amazing, patient, tolerable, and encouraging man. He never complained about having to pick up extra parental duties, paid the tuition bill with only encouraging words, and encouraged me daily as I studied. He continues to encourage me in my newest journey in the classroom and even vacuumed each and every corner of the room as I moved in. He found joy while I succeeded in following a dream - he created the happy ending to the dream!
Next, I succeeded despite of the ghosts in my head from the past telling me it wasn't worth it. I was encouraged to work, but not in such a liberal field, that there was no true future in it and I should look for a career in a "business" world. There is much pain in not telling those I truly love that I had embarked on this new journey - and many ties were severed as I decided I needed to keep this a secret, just in case I didn't succeed or finish (I knew I expected to finish, but I didn't want to be a failure, again). While life went on around me, I studied, studied some more, student taught, and was successful. Those who I thought would be happiest for me and my success, instead called me selfish, uncaring, and truly made me feel as though I wasn't part of the family I grew up with. Mistruths about me and my family were spread and hateful words were not just said but written as well.
Swallowing my pride, I took it on my shoulders and looked to my boys and husband for strength - my greatest strength came from trusting in Jesus and the plans that had been set out before me. In fact, I kept going back to the verse in Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
So, now I have been asked to return, given support from so many wonderful teammates, and am looking forward to continuing to learn and teach ~ because, as a teacher, I will continually be learning!
The story continues and hopefully, with the Grace of God, fences are mended and love returns.
